April 13, 2364

Travis is getting brave. Blue and I were headed out to the bar for a fight before we headed out for an especially long run, and Travis insisted he wanted to come watch us in action. I was skeptical if it was a good idea, but Blue insisted it should be fine as we'd both be there to watch out for him.

Thankfully for my reassurance over Travis' safety, pickings were slim on who we could start the fight with, no one especially violent to be found, just a rag tag little team of wannabe pirates. Travis sat at the bar watching while Blue and I “accidentally” spilled a drink on the largest and meanest of the group. I think one of them had seen Blue and I at work before, as while the recipient of the spilled drink reacted as expected, one of the smaller guys along the fringe of the group tried to talk his boss down. However, it's entirely possible it was just a reaction to mine and Blue's species and the reputations each held.

At any rate, it didn't take much forced and faked bumbling, along with not a small amount of shit talking, to get them all on their feet and ready to take an ass kicking. I could tell that Blue was doing a little showing off this time, as where he was usually cool and efficient in his participation in these fights, this time he was suggesting this move and that which required my cooperation, and usually was more for show than function. At first, I was somewhat skeptical about intentionally showing off, but each glance over at Travis after giving into Blue's request left me more inclined to comply. By the end, Blue and I seemed to have built into a contest between ourselves as to who could make the most impressive show.

As the last one dropped to the floor between Blue and I, we both looked over at Travis at the same time. The look on his face was of morbid fascination. I also think I saw a little bit of reserve and fear, but he seemed to be carefully trying to hide it. Travis stood from his spot at the bar and headed for the door, so Blue and I followed.

On the walk back to the ship, the boys exchanged conversation. Travis asked Blue about this thing or that he did, but he was strangely silent towards me. I elected to just watch him and listen to the conversation, concerned as I was over his opinion now that he'd gotten the chance to properly observe me in action. Sure he'd been there for the accidental fights in the bars, for the pirate raids on our ship, and we had discussed the topic in passing, but the first two only would have allowed him a passing observation, and the last one wasn't enough to give me an idea of what he thought.

If I'd been thinking about it rationally during the fight, I might not have played off Blue's desire to show off, but once I'm in my instinctual violent state it doesn't take much to encourage me. So being unsure of what Travis was already thinking going into it, I was left unsure of myself and concerned all during that walk back to the ship. As usual, Blue took charge of our breaking port and left Travis and I to our typical after bar fight activities.

Travis and I went down to the cargo bay, silent the whole way. I was concerned by his silence, because usually by this point he and I are exchanging threats of what we're going to do to the other. As we reached the cargo bay, I turned to face him and gently pulled him to me. We kissed, and when we pulled apart again, he looked at me confused as he asked me what was wrong. Confused by this question, I didn't answer, so he leaned past me to open the door into the cargo bay, and guided me backwards inside.

That was probably the only time our sex was not violent. No teeth, no roughness, no prolonged teasing and torture. As we finished, he pulled me close and I curled up against him. He asked me again what was wrong, this time waiting for me to answer his question. He waited probably five minutes before I figured out what to say, and I told him it worried me how he'd been quiet on our way down here, how he'd mostly just talked to Blue coming back from the bar, and that I was concerned what he thought of what he'd seen.

He softly chuckled, and pet my hair gently. He explained that he'd been quiet, mostly talked to Blue, because he could see something was bothering me, and he'd found that trying to force me into talking about things usually made it worse before it got better. He teased me by dragging his nails down my neck as he admitted while it was an interesting change to make love, instead of our normal violent sex, he did like our normal methods better.

I again brought up his having watched the fight in the bar, and what he'd thought of it. I got concerned when he was silent a moment before he answered me. He admitted that while it hadn't been his intention to get involved with someone with such violent needs, and that he still had no idea how that would effect long term plans like raising a family one day or even just getting married and settling in together, he was more interested in figuring out how to make it work than worrying about if it wouldn't. When I expressed concern of what he thought of me for it, he insisted that it was the result of my life's experiences, and it was part of who I am, and that he loved me for who I was.

He did ask me that if I was concerned what he though of what he watched, why had I been seeming to show off. I explained that had been because Blue was doing the same, and I find myself easily influenced by the actions of my allies because I run instinctual in combat. He wondered aloud who Blue had been looking to impress, as the bar had been pretty much empty other than us, the pirates we got into the fight with, and a couple of scruffy looking bar flies of species that Blue didn't usually go for. While I suspected it was Travis he was trying to show off to, probably not even consciously, I told him I didn't know. That wasn't a can of worms I wasn't interested in opening yet, especially since I didn't think Blue even knew what he wanted.