January 27, 2361

“Your mother scares me,” he said. The first thing he told me after we'd sat down in a quiet corner of the bar. The conversation went down hill from there. He told me he wasn't sure he could ever get past that and he didn't think he could make things work between us if he's scared of her.

I didn't reply for a minute and he looked down at the table top, so I couldn't meet his eyes no matter how I tried. I reached for his hand, hoping that would make it all better, but he pulled it away and finally looked up.

When his eyes locked with mine finally, I felt a chill down my spine and knew everything he said, he meant. I could also see how it hurt him to have to say it. With a deep breath he stood. A meek and almost insincere apology came before a chase peck on the cheek before he walked away.

My eyes filled with tears and I soon dropped my head onto my arms to cry. I don't know how long I stayed like that, but one of the servers came and offered me a towel to dry my eyes, then hinted that unless I was going to buy something soon my table could be put to better use as the place was starting to get busy.

I nodded and walked away, not wanting to stick around the star fleets any longer than needed. I went back to my room and spent the evening doing nothing but laying around feeling sorry for myself. I eventually called Mara, who told me it's not my fault. She promised she'd be here the next weekend to help me move on. I felt a little better after that, so I came to write in my journal after Mara and I ended our conversation.

While I have gotten a better grip upon myself and I do realize that my life has not come to an end, I still feel like I'm missing a part of myself. I let Jarzen deep inside, in more ways than one, and now that he's pulled out, it feels like he stole a piece of me as he left. I wonder how long it'll take before I can move on. I'm sure it won't be easy seeing him in class, but I certainly won't let this make me give this up.